From the occasional Donald Trump University series on our history

Donald Trump
Donald Trump

Back in 1812, tensions were high because we were at war again. Luckily, Paul Revere stopped making place settings long enough to spread the word to every man, woman and yes, even Middlesex, resident. “The Canadians are coming!” he yelled.

A local accountant, Francis Scott Key, who fancied himself working beneath his talents, knew if he could pen a song only the inebriated could sing and get a copyright this could be his ticket out of balance sheets in 119 years. So he let himself be captured by the Canadians and suffered through their version of bacon and beer while being referred to as Hoser.

He needed a song with a hook but being an accountant nothing inspired and all that smoke caused limited visibility in Baltimore, a town already known for its air pollution. So he asked his captor, a Mexican who migrated north to work in the oil fields if he saw anything song-worthy. “Jose, can you see?” he asked.

Meanwhile, in Washington, Dolly Madison grabbed George Washington’s portrait for reasons unclear, freshly baked cupcakes and the Paul Revere place settings and moved in with the Jeffersons and helped fight the Battle of Bowling Green under Gen. Covfefe.

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